A recent survey by relationship support charity Relate has found that 58% of separated parents don’t believe in the idea of a ‘good separation’.
The poll also found that separation and divorce are not simply one-off events which start and end when one parent leaves home. Over 40% of separated parents polled said their separation took less than a year, with 43% saying it took one to four years and 10% saying five years or more.
With 52% of separated parents saying that their separation had a negative impact on their children, Relate says it is crucial to find ways of minimising the impact of relationship breakdown on families.
Ruth Sutherland, Chief Executive of Relate, said: “Deciding to separate is never easy, particularly when children are involved. But for some people it’s the best thing to do and the next step is to work out how to go about it.”
When it comes to handling separation, the parents polled were clear on some things:
- 84% said that not arguing in front of the children was a better approach than getting children to help resolve parents’ arguments (only 2% chose the latter).
- Similarly, four fifths (81%) said that keeping the lines of communication open with your ex-partner is important, although one in ten (11%) preferred the strategy of cutting off communication as much as possible.
- And 85% said it was better to tell children about the changes separation will bring to prepare them, rather than hiding changes in an effort to protect them (though 6% preferred this option).
One notable difference was in attitudes between the separated mothers and fathers on who should make decisions about children’s futures. Here, 68% of separated mothers said both parents should make decisions together about children’s futures, compared to 85% of fathers.
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